Somewhere along the way these past few years,
- obstacles went from demoralizing me to motivating me.
- setbacks stopped derailing me and became encouraging course corrections.
- challenges stopped being overwhelming and became enjoyable puzzles to solve.
- and after the better part of FORTY YEARS of being a chronic under-achiever and outright failure, a few friends have unintentionally helped me realize that, somehow, I have become someone who accomplishes what I set my mind to.
And while all of that certainly feels good, the biggest change is one I seldom mention publicly.
I went from being a man who wanted to (and tried to) end his life on multiple occasions to one who wants to live so much that sleeping often feels like a sacrifice of time. I cannot live long enough to do everything I want to.
My mortality has become a strangely exhilarating limitation.
If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, all I can promise you is that killing yourself guarantees ONLY that your story will have a tragic end.
I know depression does not necessarily make you illogical. You may understand that the future might be better–but logic does not stop the excruciating pain. ALL you want to do is make that pain end.
Where you are right now SUCKS.
I get it.
You need a way to boost your exhausted endurance. You have to get through THIS moment because THIS moment may be THE WORST.
But if you get through it, the next moment may be the one that changes your story to one where you wake-up wanting to write more of it every day.
The experience of severe depression is unique to each sufferer. I do not know what you need to bolster your endurance. For me, clawing my way out of the darkness started with a commitment to “one little victory”. Some days, that was literally as simple as taking a shower. Anything that was good for me that I could control, I did.
And I celebrated those little victories. When you are lost in darkness, any light is welcome. And the more light you make, the bigger your flame grows and the more you can make.
And you may even become a light for someone else.
It is an empowering process.
Whatever your circumstances, there is *something* YOU can control that is good for you. Do it. Focus on it. Celebrate your ability to do something to build the life you want.
I don’t know if that helps you.
If you still want to kill yourself, call 1-800-273-8255. It’s available 24/7/365.
And at the risk of inadvertently sounding like an arse, if you are going to kill yourself, you can spare the time to make that call.
Not making the call is like throwing away a free scratch-off lottery ticket without bothering to see if you’ve won. Of course, in this case you could win your life, so please call. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
It has taken me a long time to build a life I am passionate about living.
YOU CAN build one too.
Share this by clicking one of the icons below.